Addiction
by Vamperl
Summary: Regina has a hard time dealing with everything that is going on – namely Zelena. So she tries to calm her nerves by secretly watching a certain outlaw with his son. ONESHOT. Pre 3x18.


_A/N: This story is set sometime between 3x17 and 3x18. I actuall wrote it before watching the new episode, I just didn't have time to upload it earlier._

_I apologize for my typos in advance. Hope you enjoy it!_

-Outlaw Queen-

It was like an addiction. Her own personal drug, the weakness she came back to. The temptation she couldn't resist.

Regina had spent her entire day trying to teach Emma how to gain access to her magical powers. It had unsettled her that within the first minutes, the girl had gotten her to give up on her personal idea of how to teach and switch to Rumpelstiltskin's methods instead. Finding out Zelena was indeed her sister, and more powerful at that, had been like a blow in the guts. Ever since then, Regina had suffered a lack of her usual self-esteem. Not that she would show it to anyone, no, but still, she was less sure of her abilities concerning magic.

So she had transported Emma to the rope bridge hoping the blond would reach out to her magic when being afraid. The problem wasn't that the Saviour wasn't powerful enough – on the contrary, she was the product of true love, the strongest magic ever to exist. No, Emma wasn't able to conjure up anything because she didn't belief. Growing up in a world without magic, it still was hard for her to accept it existed. Despite her time in the Enchanted Forest and Neverland, in the back of her mind there was always a voice whispering to her it wasn't real, it couldn't be real – or so Regina thought.

Figuring Emma would connect with her inner magic if she was in real danger, facing a life and death situation, her reasonable brain would be replaced by her inner instinct, Regina had ruined the bridge. And frankly, it had given her quite the buzz. She hadn't planned on actually letting the saviour die - she couldn't do it, not when Henry (the name alone causing her nearly to break out in tears) needed her – but it didn't mean she couldn't enjoy a little power play, just to show Emma who was the student and who the teacher.

Naturally, it had been quite a shock to her when Emma hadn't simply repaired the ropes but constructed a tower of logs. Then again, why was she surprised? The blonde somehow always managed to beat the odds. Regina wasn't sure what she felt. She was torn between anger and envy: Anger that the blonde would have wasted all that magical potential of hers if it weren't for the wicked witch (and she was probably going to continue wasting after defeating the new resident evil). And envy, because, really, why did everyone seem to be better at magic than her? Sure, Rumple, he was the dark one. And her mother was without her heart, she only knew dark emotions, never those who would slow her magic down. But her sister? Why would Zelena have more power then she? And now Emma – wasn't it enough that she had Henry, and, as of now, only she? Was it really necessary she would take that easy to handling her magic when reaching out for it?

Given, Regina had had quite a few of her problems with magic at the beginning because she wasn't sure she wanted it. Rumple needed it upon becoming the dark one, he had been nothing without it. Magic meant so much to him he wouldn't give it up for his son. Zelena – well, honestly, Regina didn't really know why the wrench had been in need of magic, but she had been Rumple's student, so she surely had been distraught in some way.

Regina, on the other hand, had been quite hesitant to go into the dark arts. She may have been a desperate soul herself, and the darkness was quite intriguing, feasting on her loathing and pain, but she had always been weary of magic, courtesy of her mother. With everything Regina had suffered from Cora, she had always partially blamed magic. And never wanting to become like her, Regina had only cautiously let the dark power in, always motivated by a pure thought: hoping she could somehow save Daniel.

Therefore, Regina had decided to go with angry – better anyways, who knew, otherwise she might wake up green. And she had spent the rest of the afternoon letting Emma feel her fury in different bloodcurdling situations. The blonde's exhaustion at the end of their lessons had actually lifted her mood, if only a little bit.

After a long and stressful day, including at least three arguments with Emma, a heart wrenching encounter with Henry ("Good day, Mayor Mills") and a lecture of the Charmings upon returning them their shaken daughter ( "Regina, what have you DONE to her?". Although, they were totally over reacting. Seriously, the blonde was a little shaken at best, no real harm done) Regina had finally returned home. Only to find out that, like every day without Henry, her house was too big, the rooms too silent and the walls too cold. She could only talk to herself – or to the mirror, like she used to decades ago, but there was no point to it, Sidney didn't live there anymore. Turns out, cooking for one isn't that satisfying either. And when she realized she had been singing along to some sickeningly sweet sad song on the radio, Regina had swiftly left the house, declaring herself crazy.

Shortly afterwards, she reached the clearing in the woods. It had become quite familiar to her within a short amount of days. Before everything (meaning: a lion tattoo instead of whiskey), she would go to Granny's to gather her thoughts, or to her office. Whichever she felt like, she didn't feel alone in neither. Her office was always calm, and at the diner she could always pick a petty fight with someone, doubtlessly winning the argument.

But since recently, she went to this clearing instead. It had some sort of pull to her, like gravity. Well, not the landscape, the people living there. Especially two of them. Over the last few days, Regina had tried not to come back – ever since finding the camp of the merry men after running from Robin – but she had failed, and royally so. It was her third time within sight of the clearance, two more times she had been wandering around within near reach. She had tried to fight the pull, to fight the magnetic force calling her back. It turned out, she wasn't strong enough (not that she would admit defeat, no. She had made sure nobody would see her). Then again, "defying gravity" is more of the wicked witch's thing, isn't it? Maybe she should bring a copy of "wicked" to the next showdown, just to spike Zelena (Look at that, she was thinking like a true sister already).

Here, she was able to cool down. Watching Robin Hood and his little son, Roland, going about their daily routines, she would be able take calm breaths. It was steading, really to have such a place for herself.

Steading, but terrifying. She couldn't rely on two people to bring her feet back on the ground. It was an odd weak spot of hers, to like (love) somebody. One that she couldn't afford, especially not now. Henry already was enough of a danger to her sanity. If Zelena ever were to find out about Regina's trips to the woods, there would be hell to pay. She would surely connect the dots, discover her little sister's affection for the thief and consequently not only find the heart but also hurt Robin and Roland.

Still, knowing that, the Evil Queen couldn't stay away. Not when the object of her interest had an infectious smile and baby blue eyes. Not when he had a British accent and a son that reminded her of – Henry.

So, she was crouching behind a tree, eyes set intently on the little family she would never be part of. She enjoyed how, as with a tranquillity drug in her veins, she finally found herself at ease. Contently, Regina was finally able to relax.

However, when the outlaw came dangerously close to her hiding spot, Regina made a quick exit, somehow managing to leave unnoticed. And she was glad that, really. It's not as if she had wanted to talk to him – or that cute son of his. She had only been there to check up on her heart anyway. It had nothing to do with the thief and the shining blue eyes of his. Or the way he would laugh, lovingly swinging his son in his arms. Or the lion tattoo, resting proudly on his wrist, for everyone to see. Nope, nothing at all. (And don't you dare listen to Tink saying otherwise).

-OQ-

_So, what do you think? Please leave a review_


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